Dirty Little Secret
by Tina101
Summary: Even after April, and Roger and Mimi, Maureen buckles under pressure and turns to painkillers to help her cope.
1. Chapter 1

_Dirty Little Secret_

**Chapter 1:**

Joanne stormed out of the bedroom, hot on Maureen's heels. This was completely insane and beyond crazy.

"God Pookie, all I asked is why you work so much!" Maureen exclaimed as she spun around.

"It was _how_ you said it and the part about how lucky I am to come home to someone like you. You're so damn conceited sometimes; I think I'll go crazy!"

"And you're such a straight-laced workaholic I think _I'll_ go crazy!" Joanne brushed past Maureen.

"Fine, since I'm such a workaholic, _I'll_ sleep on the couch so I don't keep you up. You can enjoy the bed while we still have it!"

"Good! I don't want to be anywhere near you tonight!" With that said, Maureen went to the master bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

Joanne sank down onto the couch and buried her face in her hands. Fights with Maureen were fewer than before, but that didn't make them any less stressful. Joanne sat on the couch for a few more minutes before going back to work. As she was working, she realized that Maureen was right, sometimes she _did_ work too much.

Maureen dug around the medicine cabinet in search for some aspirin; she felt a horrible headache coming on. Maureen poured four or five pills into the palm of her hand and popped them in her mouth. After downing some water, she got undressed and climbed into the shower. The scalding hot water pounded down on her body as she bathed. Once she was done, Maureen wrapped a towel around her chest and began to dig around her dresser for something to wear to bed. A buzz came over Maureen. It was like she was on top of the world and nothing could ever bring her down. Maureen climbed into bed and turned off the light. She fell asleep to a wonderful feeling of euphoria.

When Maureen woke up the next morning, the amazing feeling she had fallen asleep to was gone. Groaning, Maureen looked at the clock on top of the TV on the dresser. It was close to noon. Maureen rolled out of bed and trudged across the bedroom to the bathroom. She popped four pills in her mouth and swallowed them. She needed that feeling that she had experienced last night to help her get through a day with Joanne.

Joanne looked up from her crossword puzzle when Maureen finally stumbled out of their bedroom and flopped down in the chair across from her.

"I thought you had to go down to the office today for a few hours," Maureen commented when she saw that Joanne was still in her pajamas.

"I took the day off," Joanne replied simply as she stood up and sat on the table across from Maureen. "I figured that we could spend some time together." A sly smile crept across Maureen's face. "Any ideas as to what we can do?" Maureen stood up and pushed Joanne back.

"I can think of a few," she growled as she slid her hands up Joanne's shirt. Joanne moaned with pleasure as Maureen's hand continued to roam her body.

Some time later, Joanne and Maureen were still on the table together. Their clothes were strewn all across the floor. The phone rang.

"Let it ring," Maureen grumbled.

"What if it's important?" Maureen hovered over Joanne. Her long, wavy hair tumbled down past her shoulders.

"That's why some smart guy created an answering machine. Come on, Pookie, please?" Maureen began to suck on Joanne's neck. Joanne wiggled out from under her and stood up.

"Sorry, Honeybear, but I have to run to the store to get some food for dinner." Maureen began to pout.

"Come on, Pookie. We _have_ food." Joanne began to pick up the mess they had made amidst their fun. She leaned over and pecked Maureen sweetly on the lips.

"I love you, Maureen."

"I love you too." Joanne grabbed Maureen's ass and went to go get dressed.

A few minutes after Joanne left for the store, Maureen slid off the table and went to go get dressed herself. When she went into the bathroom to grab her brush, she found the bottle of aspirin right where she had left it on the counter. Part of her wanted to grab it and take some more pills.

"No!" Maureen exclaimed to the empty apartment before grabbing her hairbrush and rushing out of the bathroom. She refused to get caught up in something she couldn't handle.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2:**

"Honeybear, are you coming to bed?" Joanne called from the bedroom, startling Maureen. A few pills fell into the toilet.

"Fuck!" Maureen muttered under her breath.

"What'd you say, Maureen?"

"I'll be right there, Pookie." Maureen took five pills and went out to join Joanne in the bedroom.

"Finally, I thought you had fallen in," Joanne joked as she slid under the blankets. Maureen turned off the light and curled up next to Joanne.

"Nope, I was doing stuff."

"What kind of stuff?" Maureen rested her head on Joanne's chest and closed her eyes.

"Things." Joanne rolled her eyes. Maureen wasn't being particularly helpful. Joanne kissed the top of Maureen's head and went to sleep too.

Maureen eyed Joanne's purse on the counter. She was starting to run low on pills. Just thinking about it made the need for pills increase.

"Hey Pookie, I'm going to take some money from your wallet, 'kay?" Maureen called.

"Okay, Honeybear." Maureen took thirty dollars from Joanne's wallet and stuck the bills in her pocket. Joanne came out of the bedroom in a navy blue suit.

"Damn, you look hot!" Maureen exclaimed. Joanne grabbed her briefcase off the kitchen table and checked to make sure that she had everything she needed. "Is that a new suit?"

"Yeah, I just bought it last weekend." Joanne snapped her briefcase closed and grabbed her purse. "How much money did you take?"

"Twenty dollars," Maureen replied with great ease. Joanne leaned over and gave Maureen a tender kiss.

"Okay, I'll be home around eight thirty. I'll call you later." Maureen nodded and gave Joanne another kiss. "Love you, Honeybear."

"Love you too." Joanne grabbed her jacket and left to go down to the courthouse.

Maureen walked down the street with Mimi. She kept shoving her hands deep in her pockets and taking them out again.

"You okay, Mo?" Mimi asked.

"Uh, yeah…gotta smoke?" Maureen was desperate to do something, _anything_, with her hands. Mimi handed her a cigarette and a lighter.

"Yeah, here." Maureen lit up her cigarette and took a long drag from it. "I thought you were supposed to be quitting."

"Key word is 'quitting.' Joanne thinks it's gross, but I'm having trouble just giving them up like that." Mimi patted Maureen's arm.

"Don't worry, you'll quit." Maureen took another long drag from her cigarette. It didn't satisfy her craving for pills, but it helped a little.

When Joanne got home that night, Maureen was sprawled out on the couch watching a movie on TV. Joanne leaned over and pecked her on the lips.

"You were smoking, weren't you?" she asked.

"So what if I was?" Maureen snapped. Joanne sighed.

"I thought that you were quitting." Maureen sat up.

"Quitting doesn't mean cold turkey! I had _one_ cigarette today while I was out with Mimi. I wasn't chain-smoking from the second you left to the second you got home!"

"I was only asking. I was confused about why you smelled like smoke."

"Don't be! I'm twenty-seven fucking years old! I don't need you checking up on me every two seconds!" Maureen screamed.

"I care about you! You've been acting weird lately." Maureen got to her feet.

"Well, I'm sorry that I'm not perfect like you."

"I _never_ said that! You're putting words in my mouth and twisting what I do say around to make me look like the bad guy." Maureen got right in Joanne's face.

"You _are _the bad guy. All you do is nag me about every little thing I do. Just give me some space!" Maureen shoved past Joanne and stormed to their room. Joanne stood rooted to the floor trying to figure out how exactly the fight had broken out.

Maureen reached under the mattress on her side of the bed and produced a small Ziploc bag with about fifty small aspirin in it. Maureen carefully counted out five pills and put the rest away. She took the pills and climbed into bed. Her heavy eyes slipped closed, and she succumbed to a deep sleep.

Maureen was so out of it that she didn't even stir when Joanne got into bed. Joanne kissed Maureen's forehead and stroked her cheek softly with the back of her hand.

"What's up with you, Honeybear?" she asked Maureen's sleeping form. "I can't figure out what's up with this whole anger thing." Maureen moaned in her sleep. Joanne gave her another kiss and went to bed herself.

**A/N: **Check out my regular story at: http:// www. fictionpress. com /s/2285239/1/ (minus the spaces). If you liked "Off-Camera" and "Off-Set", you'll like this one too!!

Tina101 


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:**

Maureen sat on Joanne's lap at the loft. All the Bohemians were gathered around talking and just enjoying being together. Maureen shifted uncomfortably on Joanne's lap.

"What's wrong honey?" Angel asked. Maureen struggled to find a comfortable position on Joanne's lap.

"Nothing, I'm fine," she replied. Nobody was convinced. Joanne felt Maureen's forehead.

"You feel a little warm," she commented. Maureen leapt to her feet.

"I said that I'm _fine_!" she snapped. "What do I have to do for you guys to get it!?" With that said, Maureen stalked off to the bathroom.

The Bohemians all looked at each other. Maureen's outburst had been completely unexpected. Joanne was the first one to speak up about what had just happened.

"She's been like that a lot lately, and I can't figure out why." Mimi put a comforting hand on Joanne's knee.

"It's Maureen we're talking about, she'll be fine," Collins assured. Joanne leaned back on the couch and took a sip of beer. Her gaze wandered over to the bathroom door. Something was definitely wrong with Maureen; there was no doubt about it.

Later that night, Angel was relaxing in bed while Collins got changed for the night. Angel sat up and drew his knees to his chest.

"What do you think's wrong with Maureen?" he asked. Collins shrugged.

"I dunno. With Maureen, it could be _anything_. I don't try and understand women." Collins crawled into bed. "Which is one of the reasons I don't date them." Angel straddled Collins.

"What's the other reason? You knew that you'd meet someone _amazing_ like me?"

"Yeah, sure. Let's go with that." Collins tickled Angel. Laughing, Angel tumbled onto the bed next to him and curled up in a tight ball. Collins kissed him passionately. "Night Ang."

"Night Collins." Angel pulled the blanket on the bed over himself and Collins and went to bed.

the second Maureen and Joanne got home, Maureen began to stomp around. Joanne sighed. This was becoming insane!

"Mo, Honeybear, talk to me," she pleaded.

"There's nothing to talk about," Maureen snapped.

"Then what's wrong?" Maureen threw her purse across the apartment, causing Joanne to jump.

"Stop asking me that!" she screamed at the top of her lungs. Joanne was sure that the neighbors would complain in the morning. "I'm fucking fine, she leave me the hell alone!" Joanne backed away from Maureen. In the two and a half years they had been dating, she'd _never_ seen Maureen yell like this. There was a fire in her eyes that would scare the hell out of anyone who dared to cross her path at the moment.

"I'm sorry for giving a damn about my girlfriend! All you do is yell at me for looking at you!"

"Well, maybe if you weren't such an obsessive compulsive son of a bitch who constantly snaps me about every little thing I do, I wouldn't have to yell!"

"You're unbelievable sometimes. It's always all about you." Joanne stopped. "We're not seriously fighting about this. Good God, Maureen, all we do is fight now. We can't go twenty-four hours without arguing about _something_. You snap at everything."

"So this is my fault!?" Maureen cried. "You're pinning this all on me!"

"I never said that!"

"But you were thinking it! You're too good to take any of the blame for any of this." Maureen flopped down on the couch with her arms crossed over her chest.

"You're unbelievable sometimes!"

"Whatever, it's always my fault, isn't it," Maureen grumbled. Joanne sighed. Maureen's unusually temper was wearing her out.

**A/N: **Sorry about the chapters being so short. They should be getting longer soon. Also, check out my regular story, "On the Set". I promise you'll all LOVE it!! Check out my profile to get the link.

Tina101


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4:**

Joanne slipped her shoes on and grabbed her purse off the kitchen table. She had to run to the grocery store.

"Honeybear, I'm leaving!" she called. "Do you need anything?"

"Some aspirin please," Maureen replied from the bedroom.

"I thought that we had a full bottle of it."

"Uh, no. We only have one or two pills left. Could you pick up a bottle of it please?"  
"Sure." Joanne could have sworn that there were more than a few pills left in the bottle they had. "I love you."

"Love you too." Joanne shouldered her purse and left for the store.

When Joanne got back from the store, she found Maureen in the bathroom fixing her hair. She kissed her lover's cheek softly.

"Collins called," Maureen said. "We're meeting at the Life in about two hours." Maureen turned around. "Which gives us some time to spend together." Joanne gave Maureen a tender kiss.

"Sounds good to me." Maureen pressed her lips against Joanne's, and they stumbled over to the bed.

The second they were done, Maureen got up and rushed to the bathroom. Confused, Joanne sat up with a sheet held up to her chest. Maureen had been pretty pale and shaky the entire time.

"Honeybear, are you okay?"

"Yeah, uh…never better. We should probably get ready to go." Joanne got up and began to dig around for something to wear. Maureen came out of the bathroom and pulled on her clothes.

"Do you want to stay in? You look pretty pale."

"No, I'm fine." Joanne gave Maureen a kiss.

"Okay," she said slowly. "The aspirin you wanted is on the dresser. I'll be in the other room." Joanne gave Maureen another kiss and left.

The second Joanne left the room; Maureen grabbed her bag of pills from its hiding space and poured half of the new bottle into it. Once she was done, she put the bottle on the counter in the bathroom. She slipped seven pills in her pocket before putting the baggie and going out to be with Joanne, only stuffing her stash under the blankets.

An hour later, Joanne went to the bathroom to grab her watch. She found the bottle she had bought earlier on the counter. When she picked it up, she was confused about why it was half empty. Joanne stopped to think. Maureen's voice shattered her thoughts.

"Pookie, let's go! We're already late!" Joanne grabbed her watch and dashed out of the bedroom. She wanted to avoid with a fight with Maureen at the moment.

After the Life, the Bohemians were on their way to the loft. Maureen needed a hit _so_ badly. She started shaking, and beads of sweat began to form on her brow.

"You okay, Mo?" Roger asked. Maureen stopped.

"I'm _fine_," she snapped through clenched teeth. The rest of the Bohemians stopped. "I wish people would stop asking me that!"

"We're worried about you!"

"Well, don't be! I'm a big girl. I don't need a babysitter!" Roger put his hand on Maureen's shoulder.

"We're trying to help."

"Don't touch me," Maureen growled. Before anyone could react, Maureen brought her hand across Roger's cheek. She then broke free from Roger and ran down the street. Joanne dashed down the street after her. Mimi rushed over to Roger.

"Let me see your cheek," she ordered. Roger pulled away.

"Not now; we need to go help Joanne." Roger took Mimi's hand, and the Bohemians all rushed to Maureen and Joanne's apartment.

Joanne cautiously opened the door to her apartment. She followed the path of Maureen's belongings to the bathroom. When she opened the door, she was shocked to find Maureen about to swallow a handful of pills.

"What are you doing!?" Joanne cried. Maureen jumped. "Are you crazy!?"  
"Get away from me," Maureen grumbled. Joanne grabbed Maureen's arms when she went to take the pills. "Get the hell off of me! Let me go!" Maureen screamed. Joanne pried Maureen's hand open and dumped the aspirin into the sink.

"Are you crazy!?" Joanne repeated. Maureen shoved Joanne away and scrambled out of the bathroom.

When the Bohemians got to Maureen and Joanne's apartment, Maureen was huddled on the floor against the wall sobbing while Joanne was yelling at her. Angel knelt down on the floor next to Maureen and wrapped her arms around her.

"Jo, what's wrong?" Collins asked.

"Ask Maureen," Joanne spat. Collins sighed. He wasn't in the mood to play these games. Maureen continued to cry. "She's been taking pills, lots of pills; that's why she's been acting so weird." Maureen felt everyone's eyes on her as they comprehended Joanne's words.

"I'm sorry," she sobbed over and over again. Angel rubbed her back.

"I know, honey, I know," she whispered in her ear.

"This is unbelievable," Joanne muttered. "I can't live like this. You're a fucking drug-addict." Maureen got up and threw her arms around Joanne.

"No, please don't leave me! I _need_ you." Joanne held Maureen at arm's length.

"How many pills did you take?" she demanded in a constricted voice.

"Eight," Maureen replied quietly.

"Are you trying to kill yourself!? Is that your goal, to _die_!?" Joanne pushed Maureen away and ran to the bedroom. Mimi rushed after her.

Joanne was sitting on Maureen's side of the bed crying. Mimi sat down next to her and pulled her into a comforting embrace.

"I feel so blind," Joanne said through tears. "She was doing all this shit right under my nose."

"Don't blame yourself. Maureen needs you to be strong for her sake right now." Joanne shifted uncomfortably. She felt something under the blankets. It was lumpy and difficult to tell if she sat the right way. "What's wrong?" Joanne reached under the comforter and produced Maureen's stash. There had to be at least a hundred or so pills. "Oh Lord," Mimi breathed. Joanne got to her feet. "Jo, honey, don't lose your temper."

"I'm putting a permanent end to this death wish," Joanne said gravely. Mimi got to her feet and followed her out to the other room.

Maureen was leaning against Collins with his arms wrapped around her when Joanne came out of the bedroom. She looked up when she heard Joanne. Joanne dumped the baggie of pills on the floor. All the Bohemians watched her and Maureen, as if waiting for some answers. Maureen shrank away from Joanne towards Collins.

"If you want your precious pills, then fine, but you have hour to get out."

"Joanne!" Mark cried.

"If you want to get clean, then you can stay."

Without missing a beat, Maureen said, "I want to get clean. I want to stay here; I want to be with you." Maureen broke free from Collins and leaned against Joanne. "Don't leave me, I need you." Joanne's heart melted.

"I won't leave you, I promise." Maureen relaxed in Joanne's arms. Roger spoke up.

"You know, Maureen, this isn't going to be easy. Especially for you." Maureen nodded.

"I don't care, I need help. I want to get clean."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5:**

Joanne sat at the kitchen table with her head in her hands. Last night seemed like a horrible nightmare. The sound of Maureen scrambling for the bathroom caught Joanne's attention. She got up and went to comfort Maureen.

Maureen was hunched over the toilet gagging when Joanne knelt down next to her and rubbed her back. Maureen leaned against Joanne. Already, withdrawal was starting to show.

"I need my pills," Maureen mumbled. Joanne stroked her matted hair.

"No you don't. You don't need them; you want them. Just close your eyes and relax." Maureen's breathing began to even out. "There you go, relax." Maureen closed her eyes. Joanne held her close for nearly ten minutes before helping her get to her feet. "Do you want something to eat?"

"I want my pills."

"I didn't ask you that. Do you want something to eat?" Joanne repeated as she guided Maureen out to the front room and sat her down on the couch. "There you go, Honeybear." Joanne planted a kiss on top of Maureen's head. "Now, what do you want to eat?"  
"Something warm."

"I'll make you some tea." Joanne gave Maureen another reassuring kiss and went to go make her some tea.

Several days later, Maureen was curled up on the couch, shivering, with her head in Joanne's lap. The front door opened, and Mimi came inside.

"Hey honey," she said sweetly as she kissed Maureen's cheek. "How are you?" Maureen groaned miserably.

"Hey Meems," Joanne said. Mimi leaned over and kissed her cheek softly. "What can we do for you?"  
"I'm here so you can go down to the office to get some work done. You deserve a break." Joanne stood up carefully so she didn't disturb Maureen.

"That's very generous of you, but I really should be here with Maureen in case she needs something." Mimi put her hands on Joanne's shoulders and looked her straight in the eye.

"Go to work, Jo. I'll be right here with Maureen in case she need anything at all. Go get some work done at the office." Sighing, Joanne glanced over her shoulder towards Maureen.

"Fine, I'll go for a _little while_. Don't be afraid to call if something goes wrong." Joanne went over to kiss Maureen and fixed the quilt on top of her. "Maureen, Maureen." Maureen's eyes opened. "I'm going to go down to the office to work for a few hours. Mimi will be right here with you if you need anything, okay?"

"Okay," Maureen mumbled. Joanne kissed her forehead softly.

"I love you." Maureen let her eyes slip closed again. Joanne got together her things for work and left Mimi in charge of Maureen.

Mimi tucked a loose strand of hair behind Maureen's ear. Maureen opened her eyes and focused her attention on Maureen.

"How are you?" Mimi asked. Maureen began to shiver uncontrollably.

"It hurts so much. Everything hurts, and everything itches all at the same time." Mimi wrapped the quilt tighter around Maureen to help warm her up.

"I know sweetie, I know. Do you want me to get you some tea?"

"You can get me my pills."

"You know I can't do that. I can, however, make you some tea. Do you want some?" Maureen shook her head ever so slightly. "That's fine; let me know if you want anything."

"Okay." Mimi curled up on the armchair next to the couch and picked up a magazine to read.

When Joanne got home from work several hours later, she found Mimi trying to comfort Maureen through a violent episode. Joanne rushed over to help Mimi.

"Get the hell off of me!" Maureen screamed. "I want my fucking pills!" Maureen pushed Mimi away. The small girl stumbled backwards onto the ground. Joanne wrapped her arms around Maureen to get her to stop this violent rage.

"Maureen, Maureen, baby, stop. You just pushed Mimi, one of your best friends. Stop it, Honeybear, calm down," Joanne whispered in Maureen's ear. Maureen began to sob and rock back and forth. Mimi got up off the floor. "You okay, Meems?" Mimi nodded.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Don't worry about me." Maureen clung to Joanne for dear life. "Need any help?"  
"Could you get me a cool washcloth, please?"

"Sure." Mimi went to the bathroom to get Joanne what she needed.

When Mimi came back into the living room, Joanne was still trying to get Maureen to calm down some more. Maureen's sobs made her shake even more.

"Here you go, Joanne," Mimi said as she handed Joanne the washcloth. Joanne pressed the cool cloth to Maureen's sweaty forehead.

"There you go, Maureen," she said. Joanne looked at Mimi. "Thanks." Mimi took a seat on the vacant armchair.

"You're welcome. I know what Maureen's going through." Maureen rested her head in Joanne's lap.

"I can hear you, you know," she muttered bitterly.

"I'm sorry, Mo," Mimi apologized. Maureen's shaking continued. Joanne rubbed her arm and adjusted the washcloth. Maureen grabbed her hand and squeezed it with all her might.

"Do you want something to eat?" Joanne asked her. Maureen shook her head.

"No," she replied. Joanne continued to rub her arm to keep her warm.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6:**

Maureen desperately dug through the medicine cabinet. It didn't matter how much noise she was making. All she wanted was her pills. Maureen threw several bottles across the small bathroom. Joanne came into the bathroom.

"What do you need?" she asked. Maureen spun around.

"What do you think I need?" she demanded. Joanne reached out to comfort her. Instead, Maureen pushed her. Joanne fell back against the wall. She got to her feet confront Maureen.

"What the hell was that!? Shoving me won't get you your damn pills. _Nothing_ will get you your pills back. We've both come too far for you to just give up now." Maureen sank down onto the toilet and began to scratch her arm ferociously. Joanne noticed all the bloody scratches on her forearm. She went over and grabbed Maureen's hand. "Don't do that, baby."

"It itches so much!" Maureen cried. Joanne grabbed the first aid kit from under the sink. Roger had warned her about this.

"I know, I know. Say we put something on it to help?" Joanne produced a bottle of chamomile lotion and a roll of gauze. She smeared the pink lotion over Maureen's arm and wrapped the gauze around it. She knew that it wouldn't help with the itching, but it might work as a psychological healing. "There you go. Come on, let's get you to bed." Joanne helped Maureen to her feet and guided her to bed. Maureen literally dragged her feet on the ground. Joanne tucked her into bed and kissed her cheek. "You rest, okay?"  
"Okay," Maureen replied quietly. Joanne covered her up with the comforter and gave her another kiss on the lips. Maureen sank down under the warmth of the comforter.

Joanne went into the bathroom to clean up the mess Maureen had made. She looked at her reflection in the mirror. There were dark circles under her bloodshot eyes. A faint bruise was also starting to form. Joanne splashed some cold water on her face, distorting her vision, before going to make herself something to eat for dinner, completely forgetting about the mess for now.

Not having much of an appetite, Joanne was picking at a plate of leftover spaghetti when a loud, pained cry came from the master bedroom.

"Joanne! Joanne!" Maureen screamed at the top of her lungs. Joanne leapt to her feet and flew into the bedroom. Maureen was lying on her back staring wide-eyed at her legs. The blankets were thrown off the bed. Maureen's legs were convulsing as if she was having a seizure. Joanne rushed to Maureen's side and forced Maureen to look at her.

"Look at me, look at me, Honeybear. It's okay, you'll be okay," she assured. Maureen grabbed at Joanne's arm. Joanne brushed Maureen's sweaty waves out of her face.

"I'm going to die, Joanne," Maureen moaned. Joanne gently lifted her torso up and held her close. She gently stroked Maureen's hair.

"You're not going to die; I'm not going to let you. I'll keep you safe." The convulsions stopped. Maureen sank back against the bed and closed her eyes. Joanne stood up. Maureen opened her eyes.

"Please don't leave me," she begged. Joanne crawled into bed. Maureen curled up next to her and rested her head on her chest. Joanne rubbed her back until they both fell asleep.

Joanne opened the door to the bedroom. She had heard crying and was concerned about Maureen. Maureen was getting better. Joanne went inside the bedroom. She wasn't nearly prepared for what she saw.

**A/N:** Sorry about the short chapter and the cliffie, I promise I'll update soon!!

Tina101


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7:**

Crying, Maureen sat on the edge of the bed with a razor held to her wrist. She was in constant pain that she couldn't handle anymore. This seemed to be the only way out. It was easy enough to do; after all, April had been successful in it so long ago. The bedroom door opened. Maureen's head jerked up. Joanne stood frozen in the doorway for a few seconds. Finally, she spoke up.

"Don't do this," she said slowly and firmly. Tears rolled down Maureen's cheeks.

"I can't take it anymore. This is too much for me."

"Maureen, I love you. This is a permanent decision. Think about April." Maureen stopped. The pain April had caused them, especially Roger, had been devastating. "Just give me the razor, and I'll take care of you." Maureen chocked out a sob.

"I can't do this. I can't stand being in so much pain all the time."

"You're so close to getting better. Things can only get better for you. Come on, Maureen, give me the razor. You don't want to do this." Maureen's hand with the razor in it fell into her lap. Joanne went over and wrapped her arms around Maureen. She gently pried the razor out of her and threw it across the room. Maureen buried her face in Joanne's chest. "Its okay, it's okay."

"I can't stand being like this."

"I know, baby. You're so close to getting clean. I'm so proud of you." Joanne gently laid Maureen down and covered her up with a comforter. Before she left the room, she grabbed the razor off the floor. She couldn't risk Maureen having another episode.

Several days later, Maureen trudged out of the bedroom in surfer shorts and a tank top. She sat down against the wall and closed her eyes. Joanne kept one eye on her and one eye on the case she was working on. Maureen began to bang her head against the wall. Joanne got up and slid her hand between Maureen's head and the wall.

"Don't do that, Honeybear. You'll hurt yourself," she said kindly. Joanne kissed Maureen's forehead when she stopped. "There you go. You feel a little warm; let's get you to the couch." Joanne got Maureen to her feet and guided her over to the couch.

"Can I have a sandwich?" Joanne had Maureen lie down.

"Of course." Maureen rolled onto her stomach and let her left arm dangle over the edge of the couch.

Joanne was in the kitchen making Maureen a sandwich when someone knocked on the door. Joanne stopped what she was doing and answered the door.

"Hi Roger," she said cheerfully as she gave Roger a hug. "What brings you here?"

"Mimi sent me so you can have a break."

"Come on in." Roger followed Joanne inside. Maureen looked up and smiled weakly.

"Hey Roger," she said.

"Hey yourself." Roger leaned over and kissed Maureen's cheek softly. "How are you feeling?" Maureen groaned. Joanne finished making Maureen her sandwich and put it on the coffee table.

"Honeybear, I'm going to go lie down for a little while, okay?" Maureen nodded. Joanne pecked her on the lips and retreated to the master bedroom.

Roger sat on the armchair and crossed his legs. Maureen sat up and nibbled on the sandwich Joanne had made her.

"Can I talk to you?" she asked Roger.

"Sure, what's up?"  
"Why did you start using smack?" Letting out a sigh, Roger leaned back in his chair. He took a few seconds to collect his thoughts before replying.

"I guess it was because everyone else around me at the clubs was doing it." Roger paused. "Hell, Maureen, I don't know. Why?"

"I need a reason, for me. I've been trying to come up with a reason for the pills, but I can't. I was hoping that your reason would turn out to be the same reason as yours."

"I guess, sometimes there's not a real reason. People fuck up their lives for no reason at all." Maureen pulled a blanket from the back of the couch around her.

"I guess so." Maureen lay down and closed her eyes, and Roger turned on the TV.

When Maureen woke up a few hours later, Roger was gone. She found a note on the coffee table I his uneven scrawl.

_Mo, I head a gig to go to. I'll see you later. Roger._ Maureen put the not on the table and went into the bedroom.

Joanne was curled up on her side of the bed, fast asleep. Maureen lay down next to her and rested her head on her chest. Moaning, Joanne opened her eyes.

"Where's Roger?" she asked sleepily as she wrapped her arms around Maureen's waist.

"He had a gig," Maureen replied. Joanne kissed the top of her head. Maureen nuzzled her chest affectionately. "I love you," she muttered contently.

"I love you too." Joanne tightened her grip on Maureen and held her as close as possible.

**A/N: **Next chapter is the last!

Tina101


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8:**

Maureen pulled on her boots and her jacket. Joanne came out of the bedroom with her purse over her shoulder.

"Ready to go?" she asked. Maureen stood up.

"I guess so." Joanne gave Maureen a quick kiss and entwined her fingers with her girlfriend's.

"Let's go." Joanne and Maureen left their apartment to go meet everyone at the Life for dinner.

When Maureen and Joanne got the Life, Mark, Roger and Mimi were all waiting outside. Mimi pranced over to Maureen and gave her a hug.

"Hey sweetie," she chirped. Maureen returned the hug.

"Hey yourself." Joanne leaned against the wall and pulled Maureen close. Maureen kissed her on the lips. Joanne wrapped her arms around her neck and began to kiss her tenderly.

"Oh great," Roger groaned. Mimi whacked his arm and went back to talking to Mark.

Maureen and Joanne were too busy kissing each other to care about the rest of the world. A mother walked by leading her small son by the hand. The son couldn't take his eyes off Maureen and Joanne.

As the mother tugged him down the street, he asked rather loudly, "Mommy, why are those two ladies kissing?" Mimi buried her face in Roger's arm the stifle her laughter as the mother pulled her son away.

"Oh my God," Roger chuckled. Maureen and Joanne were completely un-phased by the comment.

By the time Collins and Angel got to the Life, Maureen and Joanne were done with their fun. Collins and Angel gave Maureen and Joanne each a hug.

"Glad to see you out and about," Collins told Maureen. Maureen smiled happily.

"I'm glad to _be_ out and about." Maureen leaned against Joanne.

"Come on, let's go inside," Mark said. All the Bohemians piled inside the Life to enjoy a nice night of celebrating Maureen's successful recovery.

All the Bohemians crowded around the Life. Mimi and Angel sat down across from each other, both talking incredibly fast in Spanish. Maureen slid into an empty seat next to Joanne. Joanne rubbed her thigh affectionately. A waiter took everyone's orders and left.

"You look _fantastic_, Mo!" Angel gushed. "I just can't get over how great you look." Blushing, Maureen took a sip of her beer.

"Thanks, I feel better."

Mimi said, "You know, Maureen, there's no way to get a hundred percent better. You'll always get cravings for your pills." Joanne put her hand on top of Maureen's.

"I know," Maureen said quietly. Joanne leaned over and kissed her cheek softly.

"We'll get through them together," she assured. Maureen entwined her fingers with Joanne's. She may not have a reason for why she started taking pills, but she had at least six reasons not to go back.

**The End**

**Thank You, Jonathan Larson**


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